bottled-up

Brewer: Otter Creek Brewing

Beer: Couch Surfer Oatmeal Stout

Alcohol Content by Volume: 5.4%

As a frequent traveler of the road, I’ve done my fair share of couch surfing, so you can imagine my excitement upon finding a beer that shares the same interests (sofas and alcohol) as I do. Tagged with the line “Gone before you know it… seriously,” this Otter Creek creation is the embodiment of truth in advertising. I popped one and it was gone in a second. I popped a second (mere seconds later) and it was gone in a few swigs. I popped a third and… you get the point. What I’m trying to say is, this beer is good. It’s subtle and smooth with rich flavors that don’t overpower. In the words of Lloyd Christmas, “I LIKE IT A LOT!”

DRUNKEN EMOJI RATING

Brewer: Rivertown Brewery

Beer: Winter Ale

Alcohol Content by Volume: 7%

Some emoticons prefer the warmer months where they can rest their circular bottoms in the sand of ‘sum beach, ‘sum where. Me, I’m all about the blustery bluntness of cabin fever season. There’s something about the smells in the air and the beer in my yellow belly that make me feel particularly festive when the temperature drops. Case in point: Rivertown’s Winter Ale, a perfectly blended mix of flavor flavs that tastes as if the brewer bottled and fermented the holidays. With one sip, the pleasant spice of cinnamon lingers. With the next sip, the childhood-inducing sweetness of molasses remains. All sips to follow? Sheer wintery pleasantness!

For those who don’t know me personally, I also fancy myself a bit of an emoti-cook. Next time I prepare a batch of my famous beef stew, you best believe I’m adding a little of this Rivertown offering into my broth. And take my word for it, there’s nothing better than multifunctional booze!

DRUNKEN EMOJI RATING

Brewer: Dark Horse Brewing Co.

Beer: Boffo Brown Ale

Alcohol Content by Volume: 7%

I like my beers like I like my long-lashed emojis… nutty and full bodied! (Which is odd because we emojis have no bodies!) What isn’t odd is how good the Boffo Brown Ale is. It’s familiar and yet original at the same time, making it accessible to a beer novice but welcoming enough to a beer snob who prefers to venture far away from the big brand coolers. My favorite thing about sipping these particular suds is that there is a slight kick in the aftertaste, almost pepper-like, that grabs hold of you by your twigs and berries and reminds you why you drink beer in the first place.

DRUNKEN EMOJI RATING

Brewer: Southern Tier

Beer: Blackwater Series Choklat

Alcohol Content by Volume: 10%

I’m never afraid to bury my emoting face into funky flavors brewed with obscure ingredients, but I admit that this one had me wondering if my yellow frown would be turned upside down. Concern crept in when I popped the cap and caught the scent… a nostalgic rush that was more childhood scratch and sniff sticker than bubbly beer laced with Bavarian sweets. Thankfully I am not a judgmental emoticon. Pushing aside my desire to scratch and/or sniff the beer a second time, I tasted the slightly-sweet stout and let the taste of chocolate tickle my taste buds as opposed to what I originally expected, which was to be assaulted by overpowering sweetness. That was definitely not the case. There’s a great balance of flavors here, and while I wouldn’t make a night of it with a sixer, I would reach for a Choklat with a savory dinner or as a liquid dessert. To my loving emoti-wife… I’m skipping the chocolates this Valentine’s Day and getting you Choklat instead.

DRUNKEN EMOJI RATING

Brewer: Weyerbacher

Beer: Sunday Mole Stout

Alcohol Content by Volume: 11.3

Holy mole! Weyerbacher isn’t just fun to say, it’s also delicious. This unique stout is brewed with coffee cocoa, cinnamon, and peppers, making for a boozy concoction that has a down-home taste… as if my old uncle Experimental Home Cook Emoji made me a private batch in his seasoned crockpot. The 11.3 percent alcohol by volume certainly gets the job done, and as it turns out, the more you drink the creepier the clown/jester on the label gets. Thankfully I’m a problem solver and I poured the three (or so) I enjoyed into my favorite pint glass and then consumed. In life, it’s all about the little victories!

DRUNKEN EMOJI RATING