drunken emoji

Brewer: New Holland Brewing

Beer: Dragon’s Milk/Imperial Stout

Alcohol Content by Volume: 11%

I am Daenerys Stoutborn of the House Drinkian, First of His Visage, the Undrunk, King of the Ales and the First Beer, Tripeleesi of the Great Hoppy Sea, Breaker of the Bottles, and Father of Dragon’s Milk.

Yes, that was a really long way to go about telling you that I am SUPER PSYCHED for this week’s “Game of Thrones” season finale, and to celebrate it, I’m swearing like The Hound and drinking like Tyrion Lannister… and doing it all with the late, great Viserion in mind! I’m sinking deep into my bottles of the deliciously smooth Dragon’s Milk like Viserion sank into the frozen lake beyond the wall. (Spoiler Alert!)

Brewed by New Holland Brewing, this bourbon barrel aged stout is thick enough to fill your belly and potent enough to help you survive the cold, because after all… winter is coming!

DRUNKEN EMOJI RATING

Brewer: Dogfish Head Craft Brewery

Beer: Namaste White

Alcohol Content by Volume: 4.80%

After dealing with my ails, I have returned to sample the ales. Beverage reviews aren’t a swimming pool. You can’t just dive right in and grab the moonshine. You have to make like The Wiz and ease on down the road.

I’ve always been a fan of the Belgian witbier, particularly on a hot summer day. It compliments outdoor day drinking nicely. Knowing that I was going to be spending most of my Sunday with my yellow head floating over a patio chair, I decided to grab a sixer of this Dogfish offering. Utilizing lemongrass, orange slices, and coriander, this beer is a refreshing sip in the sun, which I paired with some steamed crab legs to bring its Delaware brewing location full circle. The beauty of witbier is that it’s a great lounging drink, a refreshing refreshment for when you have a cooler by your side and no desire to stand.

Thanks for not making me stand on my day off, Dogfish!

DRUNKEN EMOJI RATING

Brewer: Uinta Brewing Company

Beer: Hop Nosh Tangerine IPA

Alcohol Content by Volume: 7.30%

Dear Hop Nosh Tangerine,

I’m writing to you on Sunday night. It’s opening day for Major League Baseball. You may not be familiar with the sport, but if you are, tonight’s game is Cubs versus Cardinals. I was thirsty so I headed to the fridge. I searched for a beer. Behind the mayonnaise? Nothing. Tucked away in the produce drawer? Negative. WAIT… there… wedged between the economy-sized bottle of soy sauce and the little plastic lemon filled with the juice of its likeness… A BEER!

It’s you.

I remember you. I bought you two weeks ago. You disappeared and I just assumed my wife drank you. She does that sometimes.

I pop your top. Citrus and fragrant flowers tickle my nostrils. I pour you into my favorite pint glass. Amber, the color I’d expect to find a 60 million-year-old mosquito embedded in. I taste you… just a little at first for savoring purposes… and although the tangerine is there, it’s modest and not overpowering. The surprise maltyness mingles nicely, just like the large bottle of soy sauce and the little plastic lemon always seem at home together in the door’s interior shelf. (Before you came between them, of course.)

By the time I’ve finished you… which is in no time at all… the first pitch has yet to even happen. The game is still to be, but you are already gone.

I miss you, Hop Nosh Tangerine. I miss you so.

Sincerely

Drunken Emoji

PS: Please don’t tell my wife about us. She will never understand.