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Just Another $@!#*? Column

Our Fun No Fun List

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Everyone’s got a TOP WHATEVER column. You know the type… a list of arbitrary best ofs, worst ofs, or does it really matter ofs. Well, TrunkSpace didn’t want to be left out, so we decided to come up with our own JUST ANOTHER $@!#*? LIST COLUMN. Whereas other lists on other sites may have a point, rest assured, ours will have none.

This time out we’re rolling the dice, spinning the wheel, and cursing ourselves through another defeat as we celebrate…

THE TOP FIVE GAMES WE LOVED TO HATE PLAYING WITH OUR LYING, CHEATING, NO GOOD SIBLINGS

Mouse Trap
Everything about this game, from the colorful packaging to the catchy jingle, was meant to be fun, but make no mistake about it, playing this game with older brothers and sisters was (and probably is) pure misery. The premise is simple enough, build a mouse trap together and then turn on each other like hungry rats in a cage as you attempt to capture your opponents’ plastic mice. The reality was a little different however, because ultimately this game is a Rube Goldberg exercise in sibling torture.

The Original (SHARP) Lawn Darts
Definitely a generational game because as soon as people realized (as if it wasn’t obvious right away) that these were essentially weapons with a smile, they pulled them from the market and made them kid-friendly. Of course, when they were available in their deadly form, the game most often played around our house was “You Run Around In That Circle As I Throw These Up Over Your Head And We See How Close They Come To Hitting You When They Land.” The answer was always too close for comfort.

Freeze Tag
An easy and fun game that anybody could play anywhere – all you needed were hands to tag with and a group of kids hopped up sugar. (Thanks Fla-vor-ice!) Only problem was, the youngest kid in the game never really had a good time because once tagged and frozen, nobody was willing to unfreeze you. There you stood, a pathetic statue, promising yourself that one day you’d get even, but unfortunately, tag becomes obsolete eventually and you remain awkwardly frozen in your memories forever.

War
An entire episode of “Seinfeld” once centered around the book “War and Peace” and how it was (mistakenly) described to have the original title, “War, What Is It Good For?” Elaine Benes may have made a literary misstep there, but had she called this horrid, time-wasting card game “War, What Is It Good For?” instead of the Tolstoy classic, we’d be running into battle alongside of her. Seriously, there’s only one “game” that can be “played” with a deck of cards that’s worse than this one and that’s 52 Pickup. No. Just no.

NBA Jam (SNES)
“He’s on fire!” is a phrase that continues to haunt us in the tortured recesses of our minds to this day. Mashing buttons and spiking the controller into the carpet did little to tip the score in our favor and yet we still always thought there was a chance for us, as if the SNES gods would be smiling down upon us JUST ONCE. But no, they apparently only wanted us getting dunked on – over and over and over and over again.

Stupid humans. So much hope when it comes to sibling rivalry. So little cause for game-based celebration.

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Just Another $@!#*? Column

1-900-ODD-LIST

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Everyone’s got a TOP WHATEVER column. You know the type… a list of arbitrary best ofs, worst ofs, or does it really matter ofs. Well, TrunkSpace didn’t want to be left out, so we decided to come up with our own JUST ANOTHER $@!#*? LIST COLUMN. Whereas other lists on other sites may have a point, rest assured, ours will have none.

This time out we’re getting our parents’ permission, picking up the receiver, and dialing from our rotary phone for…

THE TOP FIVE MOST RIDICULOUS 900 LINES OF THE PAST

1-900-454-HULK

That’s right you little Hulkamaniacs, long before he was a reality star-turned TMZ headline, Hulk Hogan was landing atomic leg drops on the ears of America, much to the chagrin of parents forced to pay the charges. Sure, Macho Man had Slim Jims, but the Hulk had pre-recorded messages that surely told kids everywhere to eat their vitamins. (We’re pretty sure we skipped them for Slim Jims though.)

1-900-909-FRED

Why a murderous madman who haunts the dreams of teenagers would somehow transition into our reality and open a 900 line for a “special get together” is beyond us, but here’s the really real world truth – we actually called it way back in the day, and we’re sad to say, we were not selected at random to talk to Freddy live. Pleasant nightmares indeed!

1-900-490-FREAK

Another Freddie to make the list, Freddie Freak was, well, apparently a party freak who liked to get his freak on with strangers in a totally pre-recorded way. And for only a freakish $2.00 a call, you could get really freaked out by this freaky voice and then hang up. Honestly, the jingle in the commercial was the only thing of value Freddie Freak every did in his freakish life.

1-900-909-5100

A commercial with more sexual innuendos than actual substance, this Warrant hotline was apparently HOT. The only problem is, it gets really creepy when you tell listeners they are going to get the “warm, HARD facts on” your personal lives and that your fans “always COME first”, only to then suggest that kids get their permission before calling. ICK!

1-900-909-4300
Sure, this Junior Vampires of America club MAY have made sense had it been around in the 60s when “The Munsters” was actually on the air, but why in double hockey sticks Hell was it started in the 80s when Grandpa Munster was more like Great Grandpa Munster? And no, Grandpa, we do not want to hear about all of your monster friends! We think we’d rather dial Warrant and then take a long shower.

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Just Another $@!#*? Column

Celebrating National Lumpy Rug Day

lumpyrug_JustAnotherBleepingListColumn

Everyone’s got a TOP WHATEVER column. You know the type… a list of arbitrary best ofs, worst ofs, or does it really matter ofs. Well, TrunkSpace didn’t want to be left out, so we decided to come up with our own JUST ANOTHER $@!#*? LIST COLUMN. Whereas other lists on other sites may have a point, rest assured, ours will have none.

This time out we’re celebrating National Lumpy Rug Day with a list entitled…

THE TOP FIVE VERY UNHAPPY LUMPY RUG SITTERS!

A NAPPING BLOBFISH

A MOOSE IN A CABOOSE

A WEREWOLF WITH INSOMNIA

A FRUMPY RUG ON A LUMPY RUG

RICK MORANIS GONE GOZER

A very special thanks to Dustin Evans for indulging our lumpy rug art needs!

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