beer review

Brewer: Downeast Cider House

Beer: Cider (Pumpkin Blend)

Alcohol Content by Volume: 5.1%

Here’s the story. I went out last weekend. Nothing major, just a couple of drinks with a friend. The bartender says, “Hey, Emotiguys! Have you ever tried this Downeast pumpkin cider?” I respond, “No, but the leaves are changing color and pumpkin is the hottest ingredient since guacamole, so serve us up two, my good man!” He does. I sip. Emotimind blown!

Seriously. This is a delicious drink. Buzz aside, the taste is just so… tasty! In fact, it’s probably dangerous just how smoothly this cider goes down because you’ll forget that there’s alcohol in it, and then, WHAM, you’re unexpectedly calling Uber to give you a ride home from the Fridays up the road. (Embarrassing!)

In fact, the night after I had a few of these on draft, I went out and got me a… four pack? (yes, that’s how they come in the can)… and served them up with my favorite meal, crab legs!

I LOVE FALL!

DRUNKEN EMOJI RATING

Brewer: New Holland Brewing

Beer: Dragon’s Milk/Imperial Stout

Alcohol Content by Volume: 11%

I am Daenerys Stoutborn of the House Drinkian, First of His Visage, the Undrunk, King of the Ales and the First Beer, Tripeleesi of the Great Hoppy Sea, Breaker of the Bottles, and Father of Dragon’s Milk.

Yes, that was a really long way to go about telling you that I am SUPER PSYCHED for this week’s “Game of Thrones” season finale, and to celebrate it, I’m swearing like The Hound and drinking like Tyrion Lannister… and doing it all with the late, great Viserion in mind! I’m sinking deep into my bottles of the deliciously smooth Dragon’s Milk like Viserion sank into the frozen lake beyond the wall. (Spoiler Alert!)

Brewed by New Holland Brewing, this bourbon barrel aged stout is thick enough to fill your belly and potent enough to help you survive the cold, because after all… winter is coming!

DRUNKEN EMOJI RATING

Brewer: Revival Brewing Co.

Beer: Night Swim’Ah

Alcohol Content by Volume: 4.70%

I apologize for my drink-related silence these past few weeks. Like any well-oiled machine, I too need to refuel the tank, which I have done in the form of swearing off beer…

UNTIL NOW!

Like Godzilla rising from the sea after licking his wounds, I, Drunken Emoji, am returning with a vengeance. As my first trick, I’m going to drink a sixer of Night Swim’Ah, a raspberry-infused witbier. Brewed in Rhode Island, this big beer from the tiniest state is a refreshing offering that feels best suited for a relaxing weekend with plenty of outdoor leisure in mind. Although the raspberry flavor is not openly advertised on the bottle, it’s there, mingling with textures of vanilla and… banana bread?

Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe I’m rusty. But I taste it there, tucked away in the back of the bottle. I guess I’ll just have to pour a few more to see if I’m chasing the right flavors.

>Insert the tssss pop of a battle cap<

And now to find me some outdoor leisure to attend to!

DRUNKEN EMOJI RATING

Brewer: Uinta Brewing Company

Beer: Hop Nosh Tangerine IPA

Alcohol Content by Volume: 7.30%

Dear Hop Nosh Tangerine,

I’m writing to you on Sunday night. It’s opening day for Major League Baseball. You may not be familiar with the sport, but if you are, tonight’s game is Cubs versus Cardinals. I was thirsty so I headed to the fridge. I searched for a beer. Behind the mayonnaise? Nothing. Tucked away in the produce drawer? Negative. WAIT… there… wedged between the economy-sized bottle of soy sauce and the little plastic lemon filled with the juice of its likeness… A BEER!

It’s you.

I remember you. I bought you two weeks ago. You disappeared and I just assumed my wife drank you. She does that sometimes.

I pop your top. Citrus and fragrant flowers tickle my nostrils. I pour you into my favorite pint glass. Amber, the color I’d expect to find a 60 million-year-old mosquito embedded in. I taste you… just a little at first for savoring purposes… and although the tangerine is there, it’s modest and not overpowering. The surprise maltyness mingles nicely, just like the large bottle of soy sauce and the little plastic lemon always seem at home together in the door’s interior shelf. (Before you came between them, of course.)

By the time I’ve finished you… which is in no time at all… the first pitch has yet to even happen. The game is still to be, but you are already gone.

I miss you, Hop Nosh Tangerine. I miss you so.

Sincerely

Drunken Emoji

PS: Please don’t tell my wife about us. She will never understand.